My name is Christina. I am a mother to two beautiful girls and wife to the most patient loving man in the world. I am a “recovering attorney” hoping to make some major career changes in the near future.
I was born and raised in Youngstown, Ohio where I was very active in school activities. I lettered in 4 sports including softball, cheerleading, golf, and gymnastics. I graduated as my class valedictorian. From there, I moved on to Kent State University where I received my undergraduate degrees in Political Science and International Relations. For the final two years of my undergraduate studies, I spent most of my time interning in Geneva Switzerland and Washington D.C. I returned to the states and began law school at the University of Notre Dame. I was lucky enough to gain a wide range of work experience after law school. I represented both plaintiffs and defendants but ultimately found my home at a state appellate court where I was employed as a staff attorney for 8 years.
Somewhere in all of that craziness I had my first daughter, E.M. Although I was put on bedrest for several months, I managed to maintain my sanity. Well that was until I gave birth via an emergency c-section and could only bring E.M. home if she was on a heart and lung monitor. But we both survived and she couldn’t be a happier, healthier child now.
My next pregnancy did not go as well. I was fine for the first few months but was again put on bedrest. This time I saw my sanity slipping though my fingers as I started experiencing crippling anxiety and panic attacks. I literally begged for my OBGYN to take my second daughter out as I couldn’t sleep, I couldn’t breathe…my blood pressure was skyrocketing and I was given more and more medication.
As a result, the birth of my second daughter M.J. was scheduled 5 weeks prior to her due date. I thought once she was born and I could see her and hold her everything would be okay again. I was wrong. Poor M.J. was so tiny when she was born she had to be fed every hour or two so she never really slept for any stretches much longer than that. My husband was an absolute saint and tried to help as much as he could. But the lack of sleep and increasing anxiety was getting worse …not better.
I can hardly piece together in my mind what happened after that. But what I do know is soon after M.J.’s birth I started my descent into hell. What should have been one of the happiest times in my life turned into a crazy ride on a medication roller coaster. I didn’t know if I was coming or going. I went from doctor to doctor searching for some peace but only finding more drugs…more withdrawal…more side effects. Eventually I stopped being able to sleep on my own…so I tried to drink to make myself drowsy enough. This worked for a short while but soon enough it was taking more and more to get me to sleep. I was spending most of my days exhausted, dehydrated and hungover. I was also becoming extremely fat. When I looked in the mirror I didn’t recognize myself and when I went through my closet I found a wardrobe that belonged to someone else. The visits to doctors and hospitals continued for months. My husband feared that he had lost the woman he married forever.
Several horrible things happened in those dark months that I won’t talk about here, but all I can say is that I would never wish any of what my family and I experienced. All I know is that my husband and oldest daughter said a few things to me that by the grace of God snapped me out of it for long enough for me to realize that I had reached rock bottom…going any lower could have resulted in the unimaginable, the unspeakable.
I finally found a way out. Cutting way back on the medication. Cutting out drinking. Cutting out junk food. Exercising as if my life depended on it. Because it did.
I am now here. Sane. Happy. In love with my family. Competing as a national NPC figure competitor. Writing. Living. Wanting to help anyone who has been to that dark place and just needs to see that there is a way out.
If you’d like to contact me I can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org.